Shamed By Selfishness

I’m moving soon. Like 8 days soon. Whew.

I could gush to you about my awesome creative husband who builds beautiful houses which we enjoy for a few years before selling, only to start the whole crazy process over again. But that’s not the thrust of why my move has made it to this blog so I won’t go into the whole back story.

I will say I am totally on board with the overall picture of our goals in this build, move-in, sell, move-out routine.

But there are days I want to sit on my living room floor and cry.

Days that I don’t want to pack another box.

Days I am filled with sadness that I will soon walk out the front door of this home for the last time.

But then I am overwhelmed with my selfishness.

I have the opportunity to live in beautiful homes. I get to redecorate every few years. I will never fear becoming a pack-rat because I have learned the art of donating and tossing. I have the blessing of being reminded of my over-abundance as I box up my clothes and bubble-wrap my photo frames. And yet, I let these feelings of “whoa-is-me” sneak in.

It is so yucky. Seriously yucky. I cannot let myself go down that road of I-have-to-pack-up-all-my-stuff-again-self-pity. Blech.

I need to be reminded of the many people in this world who live in places like this.

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and this.

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And when I think of of this home that Corey helped build in Haiti for Alix’s family last spring, I am shamed by my selfishness.

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Psalm 119: 36 Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. 37 Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.

I am thankful that God has blessed me with the opportunity to see poverty first hand. And I am even more thankful that he has given mom and me this ministry that helps me keep from focusing my eyes on worthless things. It is when I get my perspective right and focus on things that really matter that I can get up out of the pit of self-pity and be thankful for the road God has me on. Even though the house number and street name change every few years.

Lord, please help to live in such a way that I am always aware of just how much my blessings outweigh my inconveniences. Amen.

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